You Don't Need Anyone But Yourself To Celebrate Valentines Day

  • Editor's Choice
  • |
  • JAN 31, 2020

February. The month of love. Isn't it great? Bunch of happy couples frolicking about, holding hands and reminding the rest of us what lonely lumps of losers we are.

We wouldn’t blame you if you felt that way. After all, every Valentine’s Day ad is catered towards those prototypical happy couples, leaving us single stallions in the dust. But we say nay. Valentine’s Day isn’t about couples and picture perfect dates. Valentine’s Day is about love, and no love is more important than self-love. So you get your sorry butt out of your beanbag chair, look yourself in the mirror, give it a little wink, and reclaim this holiday that’s been wrongfully claimed by the Brangelina wannabe’s.

Below, we’ve listed just what you need to really enjoy Valentine’s Day, without the added weight. No boo, no booze, and no foods. This isn’t your typical Valentine’s Day for Singles kind of list.

  1. First things first, everyone loves a good shoulder rub. But why bargain with something as essential as a tension-reducing massage when you can have one at the ready whenever you want; no strings attached. Ok fine, here a little power cable attached but that's it.

  2. Want to know the best part about celebrating Valentine’s Day alone? You don't need to spend hours getting ready for someone who's not even going to pretend to notice. Depending on your living arrangements, you could probably just go commando. If that's not an option, you've got the next best thing: a soft, comfy robe.

  3. And what pairs well with every robe? A good read. If couples celebrate Valentine's Day all February long, then you can too. Of course, a month is a long time so you'll need quite a lot of ready material. Unless you have a library in your basement, we'd recommend going with an e-reader.

  4. Forget the couple in the picture. They're just pretending to be happy. Deep down, each of them just wants more of the blanket to themselves. You don't have this problem. You can snuggle up on the couch in your plush robe with your new book and be covered from head to toe in your favorite new throw blanket.

  5. Now, love takes many forms. Sure, you can enjoy yourself while reading a good book, all snuggled up. Sometimes, you just want a little more and that's ok. If your collection of books just isn't cutting it in the excitment department, then this may just be what you are looking for. Not that we have any personal experiece with it or anything but judging by the title, we think we know where this is going..

  6. Of course, we wouldn't have felt right if we simply encouraged you to enjoy Valentine's Day without first providing the forewarnings of the dangers that are present. After all, we want everyone to have a safe and healthy Valentine's Day.

  7. So the book was working for you but you still feel a little angst as you sit alone watching your favorite re-runs? This game's not easy and there's no one right answer for everyone. If you need a little extra help to relax and enjoy your Valentine's Day, we've heard playing with Dill Dough really takes the edge off.

  8. So the Dill Dough just isn't your thing. Fair enough, there's no one method that fits all. Maybe you want to take your Valentine's day in the opposite direction, away from all the excitement, and just chill. Everyone knows there's nothing more soothing than a nice- warm bath. Correction, there's nothing more soothing than a nice, warm bath with jets. Did we mention you can do this at home with the tub you have now?

  9. One thing about Valentine's Day that you can't get that the couples have is the support from a partner. To that, we also say nay. You don't need no one else. Even while you sleep, we've got you covered. Not us personally, we mean this support pillow.

  10. After all this you still need someone? Nay, remember. Nay! You don't need anyone else. Single Stallions. We were in this together by being in this alone. Don't break now. If you're really feeling weak, than just cop out on this body pillow. You can cuddle up with it all night and it won't try to hug and roll away from you.

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