Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions

Take home Santa's classic little helper who reports whether your family has been naughty or nice. It's a creative way to get your kids into the holiday spirit and start a tradition of family games for the Christmas season.

Make every morning brew a work of art. No, that doesn't mean you need to learn how to carve coffee foam. Let our favorite art teacher, Mr. Bob Ross, enlighten your day with his happy trees and fluffy clouds and you pour your steaming cup of joe into your new favorite mug. Unfortunately, Bob only arts for those who drink it hot.

First, he taught you how to smoke. Now, he's trying to raise your sodium levels. That guy Popeye never was a great influence but man oh man did he know how to have fun. While modeling your life after Popeye might not be the wisest idea, let the Sailor bring some of his flavor into your kitchen.

You can't fight uncoordinated Foot ninja on an empty stomach. While you can easily have pizza for breakfast, dinner, and lunch, it's not a bad idea to change it up once in a while. Waffles are like the pizza of breakfast. It's the same general shape, you flood it with the sauce of your choice, and top it off with whatever you're craving. Beat that.

Can you prove you are NOT the father? It won't be easy and you won't be able to do it alone. You'll have to win the favor of the audience as you navigate the tricky waters and avoid pulling that fateful card that will damn you for the next 18 years. Tread carefully, and may the odds be ever in your favor.

Cat's are just as much our best friends as our dogs. So much so that you may just find that your feline friend has been copying your style. Or did they just come that way? Was there a subconscious superficial connection when you picked up your kitty because they happened to look like you? This book explores the similarities and they are stark.

Have the Dark Knight help keep you safe on All Hallow's Eve. Rather than risking your life to provide the little minions on your street with sweet treats, set out a bowl of candy under the watchful eye of Batman. No one will dare take more than they are permitted from the Caped Crusader.

Tip his head back and hide your money in the bust of arguably the greatest dramatist of all time. This also happens to be the same bust that Batman hides his secret button inside to unlock the trap door to the Batpoles! If that's still not enough for you, then maybe you're just not meant to be like Batman.

Stuck in a seemingly never-ending conference and can't find a power outlet to plug your phone into? This won't really help you out much unless your conference is happening outdoors. But if you needed to charge your phone while camping, then this is definitely for you. But then again, why are you using your phone while camping?

The unofficial mascot of 2020.

The chicken is done! Quick, call the kitchen crusader! (Bat Signal turns on) and seemingly out of nowhere you appear, oven mitts already on, to take care of that juicy mound of protein slowly drying away in the oven. Steam billows out as you dive in despite the smoldering heat to valiantly carry your chicken dinner up onto the safety of the counter. Phew, that was a close one. It's a good thing you had the Bat Signal to let you know when you'll be needed.

One can never be too prepared. As the world seemingly tears itself apart, it is on us to either mend the strains or duck and cover until the dust settles. For those who can't be bothered, the latter seems more than dandy. For those who are on more of a budget, there's DIY.

Hunt down those pies and mercilessly slice em up and feed em to your master--the grumbling Stomachus. With authentic sound bits, like Boba's famous "as you wish" line, you'll truly enjoy every level of eating a pizza, up until the inevitable self-loathing.

Wearing underwear every day causing you unwanted stress? We understand; those sweaty summer days can really get to ya. How nice it would be to let the air flow freely through the nether regions. But what happens when you urgently realize you need a pair of tidy widdies? You break open a box of emergency underpants.

There's no "Forgot Password" to this safe. Either you know the password or you're broke. You could risk writing it down on a piece of paper, but now you're leaving your hard earned cash money at the jeopardy of some sticky fingers. Of course, you could keep the password locked in the pod as well, but then we're just back at the same problem.

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Leave your money lying around at your own risk. Rumor has it, there's a little panda bear that lives inside the box and he has quite the penchant for loose change. If you're patient enough, you might just catch him quickly coming up out of the box and snatching your loot.

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