Moe Bottle Opener

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This High Powered, Handheld Tactical LED Flashlight can illuminate your whole street at night. The Long Lasting Heavy Duty Bulb will pierce through fog and help keep you safe at night. Blind attackers and unwanted animals. Never leave home without this Military Grade Tech!

Christmas time, oh Christmas time, what a time to wear nonsense. Forget that ugly sweater. Suit up and take over the party Stinson-style with this amazingly horrendous selection of Christmas suits. Even grandma wouldn't think of buying you these.

The Tactical Christmas Stocking is what Santa would own in an alternate universe where he decided to moonlight as a Green Beret. Perfect for the rugged survivalist in your family who's been a good little boy/girl all year. Don't fill it with candy canes if you know what's good for you.

Take home Santa's classic little helper who reports whether your family has been naughty or nice. It's a creative way to get your kids into the holiday spirit and start a tradition of family games for the Christmas season.

First, he taught you how to smoke. Now, he's trying to raise your sodium levels. That guy Popeye never was a great influence but man oh man did he know how to have fun. While modeling your life after Popeye might not be the wisest idea, let the Sailor bring some of his flavor into your kitchen.

You can't fight uncoordinated Foot ninja on an empty stomach. While you can easily have pizza for breakfast, dinner, and lunch, it's not a bad idea to change it up once in a while. Waffles are like the pizza of breakfast. It's the same general shape, you flood it with the sauce of your choice, and top it off with whatever you're craving. Beat that.

Are you still using plastic? How 2019. Reusable and sustainable alternatives are just all the rage right now. If you don't want to be canceled on TikTok or vilified on the streets of social media, it's best you make some drastic changes in your daily routines. Using reusable food wrap would be a great start.

Tip his head back and hide your money in the bust of arguably the greatest dramatist of all time. This also happens to be the same bust that Batman hides his secret button inside to unlock the trap door to the Batpoles! If that's still not enough for you, then maybe you're just not meant to be like Batman.